The Quantum Curse

Here’s a fun game you can play if you happen to live in an Everett-style branching multiverse.

Pick someone you don’t like and something highly improbable and very unpleasant that can befall this person. Try to be creative.

Then declare publicly that you have cursed him or her with this fate. Being that the multiverse explores all potential paths with 100% certainty, in the branches where your prediction becomes true, everyone will be very impressed by your seemingly magical power. You can do this as many times as you like and you will be more and more impressive the more your curses land on their targets. Don’t worry, no matter how improbable as long as there is some possibility of the outcome taking place you have a 100% guarantee that you will see the effects happen in some branch of the multiverse, and since for your future self that is the only branch that exists, you need not worry about all the others!

Don’t feel guilty if you wish death to someone’s entire family and it comes true. The curse is entirely acausal, it would’ve happened anyway! Correlation is not causation! Although you’re setting your future self for some uncomfortable law enforcement interviews if you’re too precise. For example, by saying “Donald Trump will die of a heart attack Thursday at 5:37pm” a future me will have some awkward interviews with the secret service in the near future (I didn’t do it). In fact a universe where something extremely unlikely happens and you predict it is even more unlikely, so you could argue that your intervention only made the event more improbable!

1st corollary to the quantum curse! Every curse directed at someone will also backfire and be applied to the originator. In some cases both the target and the sender will be afflicted. This too would’ve happened anyway!

2nd corollary to the quantum curse! A successfully observed quantum curse will lead to copycats attempting to imitate you, so paradoxically an extremely improbable branch where arbitrarily many rare events happen is caused by the observation of those rare events. Should you find yourself in such a causality failure environment, sit tight and wait, normal service should resume eventually. 

The quantum curse (Or a corresponding Quantum Blessing, if you’re more charitably inclined) can be used as a way to prove Many Worlds in a far less masochistic way than Quantum Suicide. Consider that at the end of a successful quantum suicide test all you will have proven is that your suicide machine malfunctioned, perhaps in some particularly unusual way, and you’ll probably be committed to a mental institution as a risk to yourself. On the other hand a successful Quantum prediction will have you hailed as an impressive sage capable of bending probability itself! 

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